When it rains, it pours.

On Tuesday we went to the laundry mat because the dryer broke down! SO MUCH FUN! And my new friend, Bill, even offered to buy me an A&W. He asked if my ring was real or just a deterrent. Lucky me! I’ve always had a thing for toothless men….Bonus: Maddox found a HUGE dead cockroach under one of the washers. Free science lesson!

On Wednesday, Reeve tipped over a table at McDonald’s (don’t give me that look) and it landed on his head knocking him out. Just as I’m pulling the table off of him, Maddox announces, ” I have to poo-poo.” When a 3 year old says that, it doesn’t mean in five minutes. It means NOW. A trip to the potty, the doctor and one concussion later…. How exciting is that?

Add to this all the fun of being home alone with 4 kids under 7, packing suitcases for 6 weeks while our stuff is on the slow boat to China, organizing and preparing for an international move, trying to sell a house, car and every electrical item we own. Par-tay!

The best part is since we are not allowed to ship any booze, I gave it all to my friend for her party tonight, (which I’m clearly NOT at), because I definitely DO NOT feel like a drink tonight. I mean, who would in my shoes? I’m riding on the natural high of life! The party is just beginning! I’m having so much fun that I’m not even sure I can get to sleep tonight. And it has nothing to do with the fact that my oldest has a friend sleeping over and I’ll have two 3yr olds and a 4yr old in my bed with me tonight. Can you just say AWESOME? And the last thing I would ever want is to be drinking beer, childless, with all my friends. Think of all those carbs and boring gossip I’m saving myself from!

Coy is sure to be green with envy. He’s probably trying to find a friend to babysit for or some laundry to do at this very minute!

And did I mention that I’m well aware of the rule, “Never start a sentence with And?” And did I mention that I think that rule is ridiculous? And can you all tell that I’m clearly losing my mind?

All joking aside, I really do miss my hubby. He probably cannot read my blog since he is already in China. Everything good is blocked there, ha ha. He is the only one who knows just how hard this crew can be. We make a better team when we are together in the same country, that is for sure!

Have a nice weekend everyone! By the way, I’m TOTALLY fat again. Fat Tom is sure to be gloating.

Go big or go home!

Let me start off with my ultimate Paleo-faileo last week. At Crossfit we are doing another health/fitness challenge. You get 45 points for 45 days. Each day that you screw up, you lose one point. WELL, of course my brain looks at it this way. “Why lose a point at the END of the day by eating one cookie, when you could have lost that same point and enjoyed a FULL day of donuts, pizza and beer?” Go big or go home!

So here is what happened. Coy and I went out with our friends for a night of dinner and drinks. Obviously, I pigged out all day leading up to the evening, since it’s only one point down the drain. That night we got back to the house at 11:30pm and in my Bud Light induced state of mind, I realized that I still had 30 minutes left of my point loss day to eat something forbidden. So your thinking pizza, cookies, more beer, block of cheese, bag of chips…you know, the usual drunk binge foods, right?

No such luck. I’d already eaten all that yummy food earlier in the day. No junk was to be found. I was determined to eat something that was not allowed, so I went all out and opened a can of Save Mart Refried Beans. No legumes allowed on Paleo. I proceeded to eat them cold, straight out of the can. With a fork. Standing over the sink, in my bathrobe. Coy walked by me and made a disgusted face. I think I may have mumbled something like, “You know you want some.”Nice.

As far as how I’m doing on the challenge? I’ve gained 7 lbs. Yep yep. Coy has left for China so it’s just me and the four kiddos. Life is a bit stressful with the impending move. One car sold, one to go. Only one person has come to see the house and keeping it clean and tidy with four little kids underfoot is no easy task. But hey, it will all get done and eventually we’ll get on that plane even if it’s not done. I’m trying my best to keep up on the working out and healthy eating. RIght now, it’s one foot in front of the other!

The Fart and Dart

It was 6:00am and as the CrossFit pack took off to run the prescribed 800 meters, I happened to look down to see that my lace was a bit loose. So I bent down to do a quick tie and that’s when I smelled it. A nasty, ripe fart. Someone left it floating, hazardously in the breeze. To make matters worse, a few more people came out the door to do their run and walked right through the stench. I was dying to shout out, “It wasn’t me!,” but of course that would be super immature, which of course, I’m not.

I fell victim to THE FART AND DART.

Now, if you happen to be the aforementioned “darter” and you are reading this, I have only one piece of advice for you.

PINCH IT!

50 Shades of Fat

Dominant: Fat

Submissive: Me

Dom: Oh Maria, you beguile me. I just want to stick to your thighs, hips and your…..

Sub: Oh Fat, I am the one who is beguiled. I don’t want you, but can’t seem to let you go. You feel so warm on these cool nights. I want to run screaming for the hills, but I’m scared I’ll miss you. Plus running would just make you leave my thighs even faster.

Dom: You. Are. Mine. And I’ll never leave your sides….or thighs….or butt.

Sub: I’m glad I have such a concupiscent effect on you. Did I mention yet that I am beguiled by you?

Dom: Laters, baby.

I’ll blame my MIA status on 50 Shades of Grey. Once I finish this book (this weekend), I’ll be  back to blogging. And once again able to focus on something other than Christian Grey and his Red Room of Pain. Oh my. Let’s just say, carrying this book around the airport was definitely a conversation starter! Oh, and if anyone knows what “beguiled” or “concupiscent” means, I’d love to know. I swear the author must be sitting with her thesaurus by her side. But, who cares, no one is reading 50 Shades of Grey to enhance their vocabulary anyway.

I have lots to share with you all. Updates on my fatness, the latest nutrition challenge I’m doing and our plans for our move to CHINA! It’s all happening so fast which is the real reason I’ve been MIA. Getting this house ready to sell, kids’ immunizations and dental appointments, a huge garage sale and about a million other things, has been all-consuming. Once things settle down, I’ll be back in full force. Until then, I’m beguiled and concupiscent and hungry. Some things never change!

Laters, baby!