Two-faced people aren’t so bad….

I realized that not only have I let the fatness get back out of control, I’ve also lost all motivation to, as my mother says, “put a face on.” It’s just so time consuming to have to put on makeup, blow dry my hair, flat iron, curl, whatever. Hell, it’s just hard enough these days to drag my lazy, Twinkie filled butt to the shower! Where has all my motivation gone to?

But to be fair, I’ve had back to back flu, food poisoning and now walking pneumonia. It’s not been a pretty sight. However, three weeks of no appetite, nausea and bed rest is every weight loss competitors dream right? Think about it… slurping broth, puking it out and losing muscle tone all at the same time! Yeah baby! For sure I was going to slip right into “the pants” after enduring three weeks of this torture, right?

I gained a pound.

But no worries, now that I’m feeling better, I’ve decided to at least put some effort into looking my best. Meet halfway.  Who said it’s bad to be two-faced anyway?

PS. If you click on the photo and it shows up SUPER BIG on your computer, not only will you get an awesome view of my massive pores and crows feet, but you can see that my eyelashes are in fact growing quite long. I’m using Lilash and so far, I’m pretty excited about it!

Ok, so there was a picture here previously, but a year later I deleted it because it was just CREEPY!

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The pants are on again! Barely.

Seriously people, have you ever heard of someone who started a public weight loss challenge and never even lost one pound? Or better yet, how about someone who starts a weight loss blog and actually gains weight? Well then, I’m your girl!

Oh boy do I have a treat for your viewing pleasure!  Not only will you get to laugh your ass off at a photo of me squashed into those damn pants again, but you also get a bonus surprise photo! Now I’ll warn you, if you frighten easily, or have an aversion to viewing large, beached marine life, you may not want to open up the bonus photo.

Caveman Danny and I have started up a challenge. A body transformation challenge. We both have events coming up at the end of July that we’d like to look fab for. We are going to post our pictures every week and share what we are doing to become so hot. And HOT we will become! I’ll be sure to link his blog to mine each Monday so you can witness his transformation as well. Caveman Danny’s Blog. Go check him out. Heckling is encouraged.

I know what you are thinking, “Maria, you’ve been saying the same shit for two months now  and you still look like you’ve been existing on a diet of donuts and pizza.” Why is this time different? Because I get a trip to VEGAS if I reach my goal! So here is the plan:

Eat Whole 30. Sleep 8 hours a night. Drink a protein shake in the morning and a supergreen juice for a snack. Take a probiotic (balance the gut) and Biotin (to make my hair and nails pretty). Add benefiber to my liquids. Drink water all the live long day.

Workout like a maniac. M-W-F 5:30AM Crossfit, T-TH-Sat 6:00AM (or while kids are napping) workout video at home, M-F evening, train for my 5K which is in June. 10 push ups, 25 sit ups, and 30 second plank every stinkin’ day.

Sounds easy enough, right?

My “Before and After”  page has now been renamed, “The Pants.” You can see my monthly sausage shot on that page. My new page is called “No Shame To My Game.” The title is self explanatory once you open it.  This is where you’ll see the weekly challenge shots. The pages are at the top, in black, under the giant shot of my gut. Oh my. I truly…. Have. No. Shame.