Dumb people do the Master Cleanse. Idiots do it twice.

 

That was my FB status today. Yep. Did it again. Lost about 3 pounds, and 3 days later, I found them…. with their friends, next to the enchiladas. This was supposed to be my year of change. Focusing on health and well-being. I told my self I was doing the cleanse just to clean out the pipes and make a fresh start, but really, I just wanted to lose 10 pounds.

I turn 40 this September and want to do something great, like get my boobs done or maybe some inner thigh lipo. Ooooooh, thigh lipo. In reality, I’ll probably just buy a Genie Bra and some mom jeans.

Speaking of fatties, the challenge is on once again with Fat Tom and I. It goes until June, so I’ve got time to do this the right way. He, of course, has lost over 10 lbs already. All I need to do is pop a few Twinkies in the mail to fix that one.

I found a nice lady down the street who sells dried bats! Low carb AND paleo! I bet Fat Tom doesn’t have a bat lady.

Bag O Bats

Bag O Bats

Has anyone tried the honey and cinnamon diet drink? I’ve just heard about it again from another friend and one said she was going to try it. The jury is still out. Let me know if it has worked for you.

I think I’ll stick to the low carb street snacks that they have here in China. So many options, and with all the shells, tails and heads to maneuver around, I’m bound to eat less volume.

Lunch on the street. Scorpions and seahorses!

Lunch on the street. Scorpions and seahorses!

With living in China, you’d think I’d be so skinny. I still believe it’s going to happen. We have our 10 year wedding anniversary this summer, a trip to Bali planned and my 40th. Now if those things are not motivation to look my best, then I don’t know what is. My new goal is simple: Lose a pound a week. That would be 26 lbs by summer and our trip to Bali. Now, I have no desire to lose 26 lbs, but 20 would be a dream! That would put me at a healthy 120 pounds. Just right for my 5’2″ frame.

Ok, fingers crossed that this VPN keeps working and I get  back on the blog wagon. I know you’ve all been missing me bitch and moan about my fatness! What’s my next crazy diet attempt? I don’t know yet, but you, my friends, will be the first to hear about that. Aren’t you just thrilled?

Don't ask....

Don’t ask….

The TV goes where?

We finally decided on a house here in Shekou, China. It’s been newly renovated and has many lovely “decorations” such as….

1. A giant, marble, faux fireplace with the TV plugs inside it. Attached to the wall at the only location for the TV.  I asked where the TV goes since it’s too small to go inside the fireplace and it’s too high to put above the fireplace. She told me to buy a TV console and put it in front of the fireplace with the TV on it. Now why didn’t I think of that? When I asked her what “genius” came up with this idea, she answered with, “It was a team of geniuses.”

2. A new wall placed in the dead center of the playroom that is about 6 feet wide and goes from floor to ceiling. The wall is made out of twisted iron that looks like vines. Bonus! It’s painted shiny gold! Whoo hoo! Our very own climbing wall!

3. To match the gold climbing wall we also have floor to ceiling gold lamae curtains in every room. It’s like a big, shiny palace! How did we get so lucky?

4. Finally, I found the entertainment center console that was replaced by a fireplace. It’s now just off the kitchen being used as the pantry. They even hooked up the TV plugs there too! You never know when you’ll feel like watching a ping pong match while searching for a can of green beans!

They’ve simply thought of everything! Ha ha. Pictures to follow if Santa decides to bring me a real camera….

Other than house hunting, things are going well. I’m fatter than ever. My friend called me, “Healthy.” Another said, “You look better than when you were skinny.” Ha ha. Love them.

So what is my new diet plan you night ask? Because you KNOW I have a plan, right? Well, my friend and I ran into a guy here in Shekou who has recently lost a bunch of weight. He said it was from drinking a tea made out of cinnamon with black honey stirred into it? For real? The moment he left, my friend and I scoffed at  how ridiculous that was. Honey? It’s full of sugar! As if!

What did I do the very next day? Went out and bought honey and cinnamon. Yep. I’m a big FAT follower and as you know, will try just about anything. And it tastes sooooo good. After not having sugar for like, forever, it tastes ridiculously delicious. Look it up online. I did and was surprised at the positive reviews I read. People really seem to lose weight doing it.  Let me know if you want the recipe on what to do and I’ll write it out. This dude we saw swore that is all he did and said the fat just melted off of him. Apparently it’s a cure-all for many other ailments as well.

I wonder if I just put cinnamon on my Honey Nut Cheerios, if I’d get the same results?