Use it AND Lose it… Ass be Gone!

Often times I see great plans for rebooting your system, cleaning out toxins, losing weight and feeling good. Great plans, but way too complicated for my lazy bones to stick with. I personally hate cooking (ok, hate the shopping, preparing, cleaning and the thinking involved). Also, it’s really hard to find the right ingredients here in China (Hmm, this is green…must be kale??). Plus I’m too damn lazy. Plus I could care less about baked salmon soufflé with a low carb, pine nut-lemon zest cream sauce. That’s what restaurants are for. AND if I was willing to put forth the effort to make that shit in the first place, I’d never have gotten fat to begin with. I like easy, grab and go, filling and energizing. I don’t really care if it even tastes that good. I save those yummy treats for meals with my friends. My plan helps with weight loss, but most importantly, it controls blood sugar levels (found out I’m pre-diabetic, but that’s another post), it reboots your body and makes you look and feel amazing.

Well, here you go my friends. Here’s the plan. I’m starting again tomorrow with round two of weight loss mode. My goal is 120lbs by summer…that means I have 7 lbs to go. That’s nothing! At least from where I started. I’ve actually maintained my weight from my last post so trust me, it works! Don’t be left behind with a Big Mac in your hand wearing a swim skort this summer! (Or the only guy with a shirt ON.) Are you in? Let’s do this together!

My goals: to lose 7 lbs by 4th of July. To tone up the backside. To drink more water and get more sleep.

What you need: A good juicer,  one tub of chocolate or vanilla 100% whey protein and one of soy protein powder GNC, optional shaker bottle for quick mixing of powder, optional bag of Chia seeds (China friends, it’s at Oliver’s in HK), optional coconut oil, optional Barlean’s Superfruit Greens Powder (also at Oliver’s). I also take vitamin D, a vitamin B blend, iron, and magnesium.

Fruits and Veggies: Lemon, ginger root, celery, cucumber, green bell peppers, whatever dark green leafy stuff that looks good to you,

What to do: Exercise early in the morning before work or before the school drop off. Just suck it up and get it out-of-the-way. Do whatever you like. I power walk on my treadmill at 5am while watching some sort of non-animated show. It’s easy to get used to because you’ll feel awesome all day.

Drink a huge glass of water with lemon, or without if you’re too lazy to squeeze a lemon  like I am. I stand frozen at the water cooler and chug it down. Done. Hate drinking water, but I don’t move until the glass is empty. It’s like some sort of psycho mind game.

Before showering or anything, make your juice. One lemon, one lipstick sized chunk of ginger, one large cucumber and about six celery stalks. That is the daily base. Then add  one optional green pepper for zip and the rest is just whatever green things you have on hand. Keep stuffing it in the juicer until you have about enough to fill two tall glasses or the whole juicing pitcher. About the size of two Starbucks Grande cups. No measuring required. Just jam it all in. Then clean your juicer.

For those of you who just can’t stand the lack of sweetness, this is where the Barlean’s Superfruit Greens powder comes in handy. It’s really sweet, but has no real sugar. I don’t use it because I like the unsweetened juice now, but in the beginning, it was hard to swallow. Don’t be tempted to add fruit! All those fruity “green” drinks taste great, but fruit juice is loaded with sugar and that is not good if you want thigh gap. Ok, who am I kidding, I just don’t want thigh chafe. If you really want fruit, then eat it. At least you’ll get some fiber. Stay away from mangos and bananas. Try to stick with apples and berries.

More on fiber later….

My original plan that totally works: Drink your delicious juice (aka “Glass of Ass”) all morning long. You’ll be surprised how energetic you feel! No coffee needed! You’ll also be surprised how full you feel. Your body is getting all the nutrients it needs so it tells the brain to not send out hungry signals. Totally not kidding. Plus without the fiber, it’s like a straight shot of nutrients to the system. Your body does not have to work as hard to process the juice and it gives your organs a break. If you’re dying  to eat something, I’d grab a handful of nuts or a boiled egg, but it’ll slow down your results and the detoxification process.

Sometime around 1-2:00, make yourself a shake. I put two scoops into my GNC hand shaker bottle, add really cold water, then shake it up and chug it down. I alternate whey and soy, just in case my body likes one more than the other. You’ll be stuffed until dinner, in which case you’ll make better choices.

For dinner, eat whatever your family is having minus all rice, wheat, packaged foods, dairy,  dressings, sauces… ok, basically watch them eat and make yourself a salad with some sort of protein involved. It sucks, but so does having a fat ass.

Note on Fiber: If you don’t have fiber, you may feel constipated. I eat some Chia seeds everyday to get a high dose of fiber. The best way I find is as a pudding for breakfast or dessert. I mix 2 tablespoons (eyeball it) in a cereal bowl with about a 1/2 cup of almond milk. I add cinnamon and wait about 10 minutes. It gets all gooey and looks like little fish eyeballs. Yummy!

Hard Core Plan: Now, for those of you who want to look like Heidi Klum/Ryan Gossling this summer, here’s what I personally am going to do: Chia seeds with water only and cinnamon for breakfast. Replace my lunch with another juice. Replace my dinner with the protein shake  or another juice.  I plan to do this Monday thru Friday afternoon. Until summer vacation. I did the above illustrated plan before, but not as extreme as the one I plan to try now. I’d really just like to do a juice fast, but I know it’s not something I can realistically stick with.  Not with all the farewell parties coming up, four kids and a high stress job. One day I’ll give it a try. Maybe that will be round three. New Year’s resolution time.

The weekends for me can be a bit more relaxed. For sure I will have at least one large juice each day and a fun meal or drinks or whatever. But still, no grains, sugar or dairy.

Wait, one more thing. The coconut oil. I’ve been swishing coconut oil around in my mouth for 20 minutes a day. I do it in the shower. It’s called oil pulling (really?) and is massively disgusting, but is said to remove toxins from your body. After 20 minutes you just spit it out. Of course I’m trying it. You know me. Couldn’t hurt.

Eating healthy is hard. Dieting is hard. Weight loss is hard. But the hard part is not forever. Lose the weight and then figure out a maintenance plan that works for you. Wow, I feel like some sort of sales person selling a diet book. Thankfully, I’m not. I’m just a 40 year old chubster who needs major self motivation to stay on the right track.  Let me know if you give it a try, I’ll be curious to hear about your results. Here’s to using it AND losing it! Ass be gone!

It's amazing what all this juicing has done for my hair and skin! Ha ha. Here's my current "before" shot.

It’s amazing what all this juicing has done for my hair and skin! Ha ha. Here’s my current “before” shot.


Fat Stats

Had my body comp measured yesterday and here are the results.

June 27, 2012        September 7, 2012

143 lbs                    136 lbs

27.6% body fat        22.6% body fat

39 lbs fat                  30 lbs fat

103 lbs muscle        105 lbs muscle

In about 2 1/2 months I:

Lost 9 lbs of FAT

Went down 5% body fat

Gained 2 lbs of MUSCLE

Overall, I’m happy. Ultimately, I want to just get down to a size 6, preferable before we move to China so I don’t need to buy a whole new wardrobe. Maybe this is the first time I’ve had so much muscle. I have a gut feeling that if I wasn’t doing CrossFit, my weight on the scale would be more like 130… I’m excited to see what is hiding under this final layer of blub. As I said before, my guess is Heidi Klum.

The Whole30 is officially over today. I haven’t gorged on anything bad yet. Am saving it for tonight. 🙂 Here is what I plan to take away from this experience.

* Only eat my favorite dairy on occasion. It’s not a daily food. Almond milk has double the calcium anyway.

* No grains unless someone else has made it and I don’t want to be rude. I don’t miss them at all. Or the occasional slice of pizza.

* Sugar. Well it’s just bad, so I’ll keep on reading my labels and being mindful.

* Legumes can be reserved for chili or Mexican dinners.

* NO more Truvia, diet sodas, Splenda or the like. Tastes gross and is like eating poison.

* Fruit is a-ok with me! But try to stick to berries and lower sugar fruits.

* Bacon, hot dogs? Sure! As long as I’m feeing my kids the nitrate free version. (Good luck finding that in China….)

* Chips, cookies, crackers…..see ya!

* Black coffee works for me.

* Booze… as needed. 🙂 Can you say, 4 kids under age 7?

Well, there you have it. Trust me, if I can do this, so can you. Although I was moaning about what little effect the Whole30 had on me, it turns out, it had a bigger impact than I thought. Even if I didn’t lose tons of weight, it got me back on track with eating healthy. It forced me to to look carefully at what I was putting in my mouth. AND most importantly, what I was putting in my family’s mouth.

So Whole30, YES, you are worth it.

Skinny people CAN eat pizza! Who knew?

So I tried out Danny’s Cauliflower Crust Pizza recipe the other day and it was SO good! I don’t mean “so good” as far as health food goes, but genuinely so delicious! If you click on his name above, it will take you to the recipe. The only thing I did differently was to add some seasoning to the crust before baking it. The kids loved it too.

Cauliflower Crust Pizza

Today I ran for 29 minutes. I can’t believe it! A month ago, I couldn’t run even 3 minutes. The C25K program is great! The Color Run 5K is in two weeks, so I think I’ll be ready by then. I’m hoping the running will start to lean out my bulky thighs. I talked to Mr. Crossfit today about how I think that all the squats and such are making my thighs bigger (He’s probably thinking to himself, “It’s the Ho Ho’s doing that, girl!”). I mean, like I said before, underneath all this fat, I know Heidi Klum’s twin is dying to come out, but I want her to come out with SMALL toned thighs. I have no aspirations to be super strong or anything. I just don’t want to start a fire in my crotch when I walk and I want my thighs to fit into size 6 jeans. I guess the trick is to lose the fat and see what is going on underneath. But to lose the fat, I’m working out like crazy…. Twice this week, I’ve done Crossfit and running on the same day! Whoo hoo!

Ok, a cute story to share. I have two kids in speech so we are always kinda working on how to say stuff. In the car, one of my two year olds pointed to a horse and said, “Horsie eats drass.” I said, “Grrrrass. Try saying it like a lion.” He says, “Horsie eats ROARass. Like that, Mommy?” Ha ha. Have a nice weekend everybody!

Today’s Revelation

Today a friend of mine casually mentioned to me that when she did Crossfit for three months on Saturdays ONLY, her butt became so lifted that not only could she bounce a quarter off it, but her cellulite had vanished. I have been going for SEVEN months. Averaging 3X’s a week.  Did you hear me? SEVEN! And look at me!! Do you know what this means, people? Well, I’ll tell you what it means.

It means that underneath all this disgusting fat, I look like freakin’ Heidi Klum!!! Maybe even better! How exciting! Who knew? Best day ever.

Oh, and I ran twice around the neighborhood and drank my kale, coconut oil concoction. Ha! I bet Heidi didn’t do that today.