The pants are ON! I repeat…The pants are ON!

After two years of trying out, and failing at:  5AM Crossfit workouts, running, Paleo Diet, Master Cleanse (twice),  Dukan Diet, Hollywood Miracle Diet, writing down everything, using online calorie trackers, crazy weight loss challenges with Fat Tom, no carbs, no sugar, no processed foods, no soy, no gluten, NO FUN…I’d had it. Just freakin’ had it. Threw in the Twinkie and bought myself some Not Your Daughter’s Jeans in a US size 10. Why not? I’m 40 and have four kids. This is what I’m supposed to look like, right?

And that’s when it happened. Just as I’d given up on myself, some crazy Chinese guy wakes me up at 2:30AM with a knife and reminds me that I can’t give up. EVER. He reminded me that I’m strong, capable, smart and worth taking care of. Not to mention, have four kids and a husband who need a fit, healthy mom in the picture.

So do you want to know what this chubster’s been doing? I bought some protein powder from GNC, then I bought a juicer, then I stopped bitching and took control. Less than four months later, I’m in a US size 6. I went from 145lbs to 128lbs.  I can’t say it’s been easy, but it’s been easier than any other diet attempts I’ve ever, well….attempted.

I slowly worked my way into this routine, which is the one I’m sticking with until I lose my final 8lbs. I lost about a half to one pound a week.

Morning Juice:

1. one lemon
2. one large fresh ginger chunk the size of a lipstick
3. a handful of celery stalks
4. one cucumber
5. a crap load of green leafy veggies (any kind)

No apple or other sweet fruit. It took me about two months to slowly phase out the apple. Sounds disgusting, right? At first it was. I called it Ass in a Glass. But the instant energy that drink gives me and the way I can feel it seeping into my cells is totally worth it. I read an article that explained how when you are not giving your cells the right nutrients, it signals your brain to eat more. Really, that’s it? Drink some nasty green juice and your brain tells your stomach that you are full. I drink the equivalent of two tall glasses. Just suck it up and suck it down.

Lunch: Leftover salad or cooked veggies from the school lunches at work and a Protein shake with double the serving of powder mixed with a single serving of water. That way it’s nice and thick and satisfying. Ok, so it’s still just a crappy protein shake, but it’s not as crappy as having a big, jiggly ass.

Snack: Boiled eggs, nuts, or the occasional granola bar or nothing

Dinner: Whatever I want. Heathy choices if I’m at home, and nachos, burgers, pizza etc when I go out (maybe once a week). If there is pasta or rice, I eat half the serving I would have had before and double up on the veggies and meat.

If I have a night out of beer and nachos, I avoid the bread, pasta and rice for the next couple of days to make up for it (minus the greasy hangover breakfast).

The thing is, I don’t actually think about any of this. I just do it. No worrying about it, no thinking about it, no talking about it all the time. Just doing it. I no longer weigh myself all the time either. So nice.

As far as exercise, I walk to and from work everyday. So maybe I get in about two miles a day. Again, not worrying about it. Just walking everywhere as if I’ve always done that. SO easy!

I will admit, the element of terror has  been a great self-motivator, but I wouldn’t recommend having your neighbor sneak into your house with a ski mask and a knife. Just take my word on it. Or, try watching the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. That should be terrorizing enough. So here is the moment I’ve been waiting for. The pants! Even though I have 8lbs still left to go, I just couldn’t wait to share some pictures.  I think I’m going to keep that pink rubber band hanging somewhere as a reminder. A reminder to not give up. EVER.

The pants are on!