Dumb people do the Master Cleanse. Idiots do it twice.

 

That was my FB status today. Yep. Did it again. Lost about 3 pounds, and 3 days later, I found them…. with their friends, next to the enchiladas. This was supposed to be my year of change. Focusing on health and well-being. I told my self I was doing the cleanse just to clean out the pipes and make a fresh start, but really, I just wanted to lose 10 pounds.

I turn 40 this September and want to do something great, like get my boobs done or maybe some inner thigh lipo. Ooooooh, thigh lipo. In reality, I’ll probably just buy a Genie Bra and some mom jeans.

Speaking of fatties, the challenge is on once again with Fat Tom and I. It goes until June, so I’ve got time to do this the right way. He, of course, has lost over 10 lbs already. All I need to do is pop a few Twinkies in the mail to fix that one.

I found a nice lady down the street who sells dried bats! Low carb AND paleo! I bet Fat Tom doesn’t have a bat lady.

Bag O Bats

Bag O Bats

Has anyone tried the honey and cinnamon diet drink? I’ve just heard about it again from another friend and one said she was going to try it. The jury is still out. Let me know if it has worked for you.

I think I’ll stick to the low carb street snacks that they have here in China. So many options, and with all the shells, tails and heads to maneuver around, I’m bound to eat less volume.

Lunch on the street. Scorpions and seahorses!

Lunch on the street. Scorpions and seahorses!

With living in China, you’d think I’d be so skinny. I still believe it’s going to happen. We have our 10 year wedding anniversary this summer, a trip to Bali planned and my 40th. Now if those things are not motivation to look my best, then I don’t know what is. My new goal is simple: Lose a pound a week. That would be 26 lbs by summer and our trip to Bali. Now, I have no desire to lose 26 lbs, but 20 would be a dream! That would put me at a healthy 120 pounds. Just right for my 5’2″ frame.

Ok, fingers crossed that this VPN keeps working and I get  back on the blog wagon. I know you’ve all been missing me bitch and moan about my fatness! What’s my next crazy diet attempt? I don’t know yet, but you, my friends, will be the first to hear about that. Aren’t you just thrilled?

Don't ask....

Don’t ask….

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21 thoughts on “Dumb people do the Master Cleanse. Idiots do it twice.

  1. MOOOOOOOOOve over Bacon, there’s some thing that literally stings you while you eat. Fatso, we’ve got no sympathy for you. While we will all be battling not to gain too much weight this weekend while lounging around in our underwear, eating chicken wings, drinking beer, eating pizza, drinking more beer, eating nachos, cradling the toilet… well you get the idea. We’ve got delicious food to deal with and you being the glutton you are can’t control yourself around fried bats, scorpions, and puppy dog tails. Find some discipline Chubs!
    Love,
    Fat Tom
    PS: I vote for the boob job!

    • No one will be looking at my fatt ass if I have nice boobs…

      Oh trust me, we have the Superbowl here too. Just at 5am on Monday morning at the local bar. They are not allowed to air commercials though. LAME! And yes, we may just go. Oh the shame!

  2. Oh Maria I have missed you and your blogs terribly… Looks like we are both back on it… I joined a bootcamp and am doing an 8 week challenge starting next week. Well this week… Should be interesting…

  3. Ahhh, Maria! You look beautiful! What you need is money motivation! We are doing a Biggest loser challenge, by percentage of weight. 2 months! $50 and there are about 12 of us, that’s big money! Ok, my next thought for you is to have Winston be your motivator. I lost 35 pounds with his emails. Daily check in with weight, what we ate the day before and exercise. He is brutal! Says it like it is! you could easily lose 10 pounds!
    Tom, you sound like my husband, Discipline. He always tells me discipline woman! haha! You tell her! Good luck MarI:)

  4. Hi there! New reader here & love this post! I lived in China in 2007-2008 & miraculously gained about 20lbs. when I first moved, go figure! I’ll bet you can get a knock-off Genie bra for cheap in a street market 😉

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