Yep, it’s the pants. Divert your eyes!

I cannot think of a time in my life when I have worked so hard to lose weight. My mouth has never been so bored eating. My stomach has never felt so…unsatisfied. My mind has never felt to stressed out about FOOD.  And yet, the pounds just don’t come off. Over the past couple of months I’ve heard stories of friends who are going to Weight Watchers and losing two pounds a week while, “eating whatever I want.” I’ve heard stories of friends who, “Stopped eating bread for a week and lost 5 pounds.” I’ve done the exact same diet (Belly Fat Cure Fast Track) to a T with a friend who  lost 5 pounds in the first week, while I gained one. My mom did it with me while she was visiting, and didn’t lose weight, but called me two days after we’d finished and she’d returned home and said, “How strange, I’m back to my diet of granola in the morning and cookies for my snack and now I’m at 127!” She’d lost 5 pounds too.  Am I a genetic freak of nature? Is this rash all over my body simply a sign that I’m allergic to a healthy lifestyle? Do I just need a damn Ho Ho?

Here is the low down on what I’ve done over the past 90 days to lose weight and get in shape.

1. Alcohol consumption one night on our anniversary. Crystal Light Margaritas. Zero sugar. Cooked meal at home of fish and steamed veggies.

2. Out to dinner two times for Mexican food (my weakness). Both times ordered steak with a side of vegetable soup. No rice, no beans, NO TORTILLA CHIPS. Drank water.

3. Ran and trained for a 5K. Still running 2-3 miles 3 x’s a week or more.

4. Upped the intensity at Crossfit (hence the ripped up hand), and added one more day a week. So, 4x’s a week now.

5. Have eaten a total of 2 pieces of bread in 90 days. No potatoes, no rice, no sugary fruits.

6. Began taking a mix of healthy oils such as coconut and fish daily.

7.  Tried adding cottage cheese to my diet before bed to ‘Keep the metabolism stoked.” Didn’t work.

8. Tried consciously cutting calories for two weeks and began logging all food on My Fitness Pal, to stay at 1,200 calories a day, which I easily did and was frequently under due to my exercise level. Didn’t work. Actually gained. Apparently due to this whole “body in starvation mode” crap that I’m so sick of hearing about. “Maria, you’re fat because you don’t eat enough.” Maybe it’s true and this is coming from my skinny friends who have it all pulled together, but COME ON ALREADY. I was eating plenty before and that is what got me here in the first place. Sigh.

9. *update* Forgot about a sinful weekend away in Houston visiting Judy Booty. We drank a lot of beer, but I was too hungover the next day to eat, so maybe it was cancelled out?

Well, that is about it. I’m tired, hungry, bored and 8 lbs away from my goal to go to Vegas NEXT WEEK. Not so thrilled with my progress. I’ve got to be missing something? Anyone? Anyone? I remember before my HS reunion last summer I was like, “Oh, I’ll do Atkins for a couple of weeks so that I look good in my dress.” I ate steaks, drank vodka, chowed down on cheese, bacon and peanut butter. Did not do a single ounce of exercise and I weighed in at 125 wearing a loose size 6. Nice.

Now here I sit at 138. I did start at 145 some time ago though. As far as my weight loss contest, my starting weight was 143. So down 5 lbs is not a complete failure, but for all I’ve done, it seems meager. Pathetic actually. So here is the picture in the pants. You be the judge. I’ll post one in the sports bra, white shorts get-up as well for those of you who are looking to burn your eyeballs out of your head.

almost buttoned! Almost being the key word here….

I look like a fat WWF woman wrestler.

Tonight we are going to a friend’s house for dinner. She texted me asking what kind of beer I’d like. Told me not to make a dessert because she’s already made Key Lime Pie bars. Now, do I just say F*** it and eat the food? WIll that finally allow me to lose some weight? Will I be able to say, “Oh look at me, I lost 5 lbs by drinking beer and eating Key Lime Bars. It just melted right off.”  Or do I stick with what I’ve been doing and suck it up for one more week?