Yep, it’s the pants. Divert your eyes!

I cannot think of a time in my life when I have worked so hard to lose weight. My mouth has never been so bored eating. My stomach has never felt so…unsatisfied. My mind has never felt to stressed out about FOOD.  And yet, the pounds just don’t come off. Over the past couple of months I’ve heard stories of friends who are going to Weight Watchers and losing two pounds a week while, “eating whatever I want.” I’ve heard stories of friends who, “Stopped eating bread for a week and lost 5 pounds.” I’ve done the exact same diet (Belly Fat Cure Fast Track) to a T with a friend who  lost 5 pounds in the first week, while I gained one. My mom did it with me while she was visiting, and didn’t lose weight, but called me two days after we’d finished and she’d returned home and said, “How strange, I’m back to my diet of granola in the morning and cookies for my snack and now I’m at 127!” She’d lost 5 pounds too.  Am I a genetic freak of nature? Is this rash all over my body simply a sign that I’m allergic to a healthy lifestyle? Do I just need a damn Ho Ho?

Here is the low down on what I’ve done over the past 90 days to lose weight and get in shape.

1. Alcohol consumption one night on our anniversary. Crystal Light Margaritas. Zero sugar. Cooked meal at home of fish and steamed veggies.

2. Out to dinner two times for Mexican food (my weakness). Both times ordered steak with a side of vegetable soup. No rice, no beans, NO TORTILLA CHIPS. Drank water.

3. Ran and trained for a 5K. Still running 2-3 miles 3 x’s a week or more.

4. Upped the intensity at Crossfit (hence the ripped up hand), and added one more day a week. So, 4x’s a week now.

5. Have eaten a total of 2 pieces of bread in 90 days. No potatoes, no rice, no sugary fruits.

6. Began taking a mix of healthy oils such as coconut and fish daily.

7.  Tried adding cottage cheese to my diet before bed to ‘Keep the metabolism stoked.” Didn’t work.

8. Tried consciously cutting calories for two weeks and began logging all food on My Fitness Pal, to stay at 1,200 calories a day, which I easily did and was frequently under due to my exercise level. Didn’t work. Actually gained. Apparently due to this whole “body in starvation mode” crap that I’m so sick of hearing about. “Maria, you’re fat because you don’t eat enough.” Maybe it’s true and this is coming from my skinny friends who have it all pulled together, but COME ON ALREADY. I was eating plenty before and that is what got me here in the first place. Sigh.

9. *update* Forgot about a sinful weekend away in Houston visiting Judy Booty. We drank a lot of beer, but I was too hungover the next day to eat, so maybe it was cancelled out?

Well, that is about it. I’m tired, hungry, bored and 8 lbs away from my goal to go to Vegas NEXT WEEK. Not so thrilled with my progress. I’ve got to be missing something? Anyone? Anyone? I remember before my HS reunion last summer I was like, “Oh, I’ll do Atkins for a couple of weeks so that I look good in my dress.” I ate steaks, drank vodka, chowed down on cheese, bacon and peanut butter. Did not do a single ounce of exercise and I weighed in at 125 wearing a loose size 6. Nice.

Now here I sit at 138. I did start at 145 some time ago though. As far as my weight loss contest, my starting weight was 143. So down 5 lbs is not a complete failure, but for all I’ve done, it seems meager. Pathetic actually. So here is the picture in the pants. You be the judge. I’ll post one in the sports bra, white shorts get-up as well for those of you who are looking to burn your eyeballs out of your head.

almost buttoned! Almost being the key word here….

I look like a fat WWF woman wrestler.

Tonight we are going to a friend’s house for dinner. She texted me asking what kind of beer I’d like. Told me not to make a dessert because she’s already made Key Lime Pie bars. Now, do I just say F*** it and eat the food? WIll that finally allow me to lose some weight? Will I be able to say, “Oh look at me, I lost 5 lbs by drinking beer and eating Key Lime Bars. It just melted right off.”  Or do I stick with what I’ve been doing and suck it up for one more week?


26 thoughts on “Yep, it’s the pants. Divert your eyes!

  1. One more week or seven looooong days. You can do it and you are beautiful at 180 or 130. You’re hysterically funny and the bestest friend an Oregonian could ever ask for to help her get acquainted with the midAtlantic area. oxox

  2. Hey… I heard a lot about food and exercise, but nothing about water… Are you drinking enough? Oh… You look fantastic. I think you are not losing “weight” because you’re replacing the fat with muscle. I think you are doing fantastic. 5 lbs is no easy task. Those last few are the hardest. Stack up 5 1lb bricks of butter. That is how much you have lost already and that does not count the fat that you have replaced with muscle. You need to get one of those scales that tells you your body fat %. That way you can see the results even though the scale isn’t showing it. Keep with it Maria. I can’t wait to see those pants done up.

    • Thanks Tammy. No, I don’t drink enough water but I do get AT LEAST 6 medium sized glasses a day and I have some coffee in the morning, so I’m not too far off. My scale does the body fat thing but not sure how accurate. I did the % check at the gym and was 29%. My scale said 34%. BUT today my weight was the same and it did say 32%! Whoo hoo! So that is a good thing. Thanks for making me check it, I’d not thought about doing that part of it. 🙂

  3. Maria, I know how exasperated you must feel! I like what flamidwyfe said above- you have OBVIOUSLY replaced fat with muscle, and muscle weighs more! I think you look great! Don’t give up, you must be feeling much better physically and mentally since doing all of this exercise, and very confident of yourself. Keep it up! And don’t give up! 🙂

    • Kelly, thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me. Yes, I’m so frustrated. I’ve never tried so hard at anything before. THe muscle IS there, so I’m cutting myself some slack and letting myself go to Vegas. but the fat on the outside just wont let go. boo hoo

  4. I am impressed that you have stuck with it so long. It sounds like you are not getting enough calories. go up to 1400 and I bet you lose 5 lbs in a week if you exercise.

  5. Maria you look great! One thing I was thinking about was have you talked to your doctor? If you’re having as hard of time as you say there might be other issues.

    I understand. But double check with the MD.

    A 🙂

    • Thanks. I did mention something to my doctor and she commented on A: the having had 4 kids back to back toll on the bod and B: I’m almost 40 and hormones are all F’d up (hence probably why I had twins she said). I’m going to try a few more things and if after a full year of working hard, I will pursue other issues. Thank you and miss you!

  6. Keep in mind, Maria that you really don’t have much fat to lose. While I applaud anyone and everyone for committing to weight loss (never easy) the fact is, you lose more when there is more to lose. You may think your ideal weight is 125-130, but you may be wrong. I hate to say this, but here goes…….you aren’t getting any younger. I can say this because I’m older than you. Your body composition changes with age as well as your “comfortable” body weight. I’ve said this before and I’m a firm believer……THROW OUT THE SCALE!!!! It is evil and does not in any way, shape, or form indicate your beauty inside or out or your fitness level physically and mentally. It wears down the confidence you should be feeling from your running, your cross fit, and your overall healthy eating. Next time you go to Mexican food eat your frickin enchilada and have two corona’s…… Just don’t do it two times a week. If you live your life trying to fit into an image YOU set life will pass you by and you’ll look back and wonder why you spent your best years worrying about fitting into a size six. Everyone that comments on your blog says how beautiful you are! I’m always struck by how great you look! Give yourself a break, buy a pair of 8’s that emphasize that cross fit ass and a tuck-in shirt to show off those ab’s! They look great! Don’t get me wrong…..I love your blog and look forward to it, so keep up your hilarity:-). Just embrace the beautiful Maria that everyone else see’s.

    • YOu are right in every way. And it’s exactly what I’d tell someone else. Why is it so hard for me to follow tht advice? I did buy 2 pair of size 8 shorts and thought, hey, looking not so bad. BUT STILLL…. I want more. Thank you thank you. One of these days, I’ll start listening.

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