Fit-Fat patty whack, throw this girl a bone!

Toenails are so disgusting. Especially when you have to cut four other little peoples’ nails… like every other day.  I usually just line the kids up in the kitchen and start clipping away. Those little nails go shooting off in every direction, but I don’t give a shit. When I’m done, I simply sweep them up with all the other lovely goodies that have accumulated on my kitchen floor. I regularly clip away and tend to their nails as if they were a reflection of my parenting. Only a neglectful parent would allow their children to grow germ-harboring claws that can, of course, be used as weapons on the playground, right? No, I’m kidding, but I will say that those nails have for sure led to some serious sibling wounds that I thought would have CPS knocking on my door.

My toenails though, are another story. I polish them and let them grow. I cut them once they start to curl up in my running shoes. Eventually, my nail color grows out to just be on the tips. I heard that this is a new trend…the new French Manicure of sorts, where the color is only on the tips. Bonus! Colored nail clippings are way easier to find. Especially when you are clipping them in bed. “Gasp!” Let’s just say, beauty these days has taken a back seat to, well, everything.

I’ve really been focusing on weight loss. If this was a “health” competition, I’d be kicking butt since all I eat is healthy stuff and work out HARD everyday. My current health/fitness state is what I’d like to call Fit-Fat. I’m the fittest Fat-Ass in all of Oklahoma. I have 7-9lbs left to lose by the 28th. So far, I’ve lost 7lbs since starting my competition though, so that’s not too shabby.

My mom was here for two weeks and I think she probably has concluded that I live in daily insanity. She was a tremendous help and great company, but I have a feeling I’m going to have to come up with some very tempting bribes to lure her back again. We did the Belly Fat Cure Fast Track diet for seven days. It said to expect a 4-9lb weight loss. I lost 1lb and my mom found it, stuck to her belly. We were both SO good and followed it to a T. She was so hungry and dying for a sweet treat, but stuck with it. What a disappointment! I felt horrible for making her do it with me. I still think the idea of no sugar and low carbs is the way to go, but come on Jorge Cruise (BFC author), throw me a bone already!

I tried to get the gym to test my body fat again, but she said two weeks is too early. I agree but need to see some sort of progress to continue on. Thankfully Fat Tom is holding steady   at a 5lb weight loss like me. Whoever loses the greatest percentage of body fat wins. The loser has to climb up and lie on top of the highest (supportive) surface at the bar in Vegas, on their back, with an apple in their mouth and oink like the pig that they are. Sadly, since we both love attention, the winner will probably be jealous of all the attention the loser is getting. I should keep that in mind. Just maybe, subconsciously, I’m deliberately trying to stay fat so I can have an excuse to draw attention to myself and enjoy a lovely piece of sugar loaded fruit at the same time.


2 thoughts on “Fit-Fat patty whack, throw this girl a bone!

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