Battle Of the Fat Bloggers

Week one of the Battle Of the Fat Bloggers is over and I’m feeling pretty confident. Not exactly sure why I feel that way, but I do.  Caveman Danny and I are both in it to win it and I love a little friendly competition. I offered him my muffin top, but he graciously declined. Too many carbs I’m guessing. We have decided to not post pictures every week, every other instead. As much as you were dying to see me in all my half naked glory, you will have to wait until next Monday. Well, for as much shit as I’ve already given Danny, he still so kindly has sent me lots of Paleo recipes to try. I cooked up those zucchini noodles for the fam tonight and everyone ate them. I sort of screwed them up (no shocker there) but they were edible, even by my 2yr olds.

I’ve been super good about the C25K running. I’m on week six now and it’s getting really hard. Funny, because I used to run 3 miles a day in addition to my “real” workout (pre kids and marriage). Now I run/walk about 2 miles with one hand on my cell’s emergency call button. Not because I think I’ll be jumped or anything, more like I think I’ll keel over. So, while I was huffing up a slightly elevated slope on my jogging path, singing Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” (True story. The slope…the climb…. I was in the groove baby), I was jolted out of my Teen Superstar fantasy by a man waving his arms yelling, “Stop! Snake!” There it was, about 5 feet in front of me. A gigantic, blood-thirsty, highly venomous python-like snake, posing as a log, just waiting to eat me. I don’t know my snakes but I’m thinking… python, or cobra for sure. There was no way around him. A fence to the left and bushes filled with this anaconda’s family to the right. The snake alerter decided to abandon me and jump the fence. I, of course, am too fat and out of shape to jump the fence, so I did what every jogger who encounters a snake should do. No, I didn’t throw rocks at him. I actually just calmly asked him to please go back into his bush so that I could pass.  And he did. And I jogged home.

Not a very climatic ending, I know, but there is a point here. I may have discovered my calling. I think I may in fact be a Snake Whisperer. Or most likely I just can speak Snake. Either way, how exciting is that? I wonder if I’ll be getting my own TV show? Now I’ve really got to get skinny, I’m gonna be a star!


12 thoughts on “Battle Of the Fat Bloggers

  1. Hahaha!! Hilarious!!! I think you will totally have a reality show very soon… I can see these things. It’s a gift. But don’t tell anyone as I do not want to be exploited :O lol! I also have my finger on the emergency button as I am afraid I will need CPR while running… But usually I make it to the bathroom without incident… But only when in my room 🙂 I need to work my way up to the rest of the rest of the house… Baby steps 🙂 lol!! In all seriousness, keep up the good work 🙂

    • I think I may need some kind of bell too. i space out when running. More like am thundering along, gasping for air and focusing on not passing out! ha ha. That should have been enough to scare anything away!

  2. I have NO idea at all why you are feeling confidant Maria… I am no longer sick… eating 100% well besides maybe my Soy Latte of a morning… so I AM feeling particularly confidant… YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!

    • I have no idea either but must be doing something right. I keep seeing that people are clicking on to your site.. I just write your name, highlight it with the mouse then click that little paperclip icon on the top of the edit page. Then I copy your link from the top of your page (the www part) and past in the spot it tells me to. then voila. Linkage.

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