Does my thumb look green to you?

Ok, I feel a bit better today. This girl, KitchenRN’s Blog, did the same diet for 7 weeks and lost not one pound. People respond differently to foods and apparently, I have some sort of allergy to health food that makes me swell in the waist, butt and thighs. Don’t roll your eyes at me! You all saw my most recent picture, correct? It must have been all that damn cauliflower.

Now, although I plan to follow my gut and engage in a full fledge junk food binge (in an attempt to loose weight per my above allergy), my kids on the other hand will continue eating all the healthy food that nature intended. You know that “fat gene” people talk about? If it really does exist, I’m sure I’ve got it in me. I’ve had to  work my ass off my whole life to stay in some sort of reasonable weight range. I used to hate it (back when I was somewhat skinny) and people would say stuff like, “If I was as skinny as you, I’d eat whatever I wanted!”or “You’re SO lucky.” or “It must be nice to be naturally skinny.” or “You’re obsessed with working out.” Um, piss me off. If you want to look good, and feel good, well MOST of us have to work damn hard at it. With that being said, I’m going to try to put myself back into that frame of mind again. If not for me, for my kids. After my junk food trial, of course.  Check this out, complements of Danny. So, so funny and true!

Today I took Reeve, Maddox and Kaia with me to Lowe’s to buy gardening tools and flowers. I have never gardened a day in my life, but I think the neighbors were about to call the show Curb Appeal if I didn’t take action fast. I asked for some help and the guy showed us some really pretty, pink flowers. “Now these ones need a delicate touch,” he says as Reeve and Maddox each grab a handful of petals and try to shove them down the back of my pants. Pass. “These ones need water 2-3x’s a day.” Pass. “These ones need to be watered under the petals.” Pass! Pass! Pass! Maddox then knocks over some sort of unfortunate looking white floral plant and it spills all over the floor. Um, we’ll take some of these. Ten plants that he said I couldn’t possibly kill, $200 worth of gardening tools, and three soaking wet kids (garden center sprinklers came on) later, we headed home. Now everything is in a huge pile on the front lawn and I can’t be bothered to do anything with it. I’m sure the neighbors love that. But, at least it gives them hope. Plus, I have no hose or watering can. Gardening is dumb, expensive, dirty and I hate it. I need a Twinkie. Or vodka. Or Ryan Gosling to come pull my weeds.

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3 thoughts on “Does my thumb look green to you?

  1. Once again, laughing out loud to myself here. You are a riot, Maria. And so is the woman on TV. THANKS!!! And I still think you’re gorgeous and you look fab, even if that’s not funny!

  2. Your kids look adorable! So blonde too! No redheads??? Loved this one, Maria, and the You Tube video was priceless! Thanks for sharing!

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