Moo, Moo Buckaroo

After several months of self banishment from the Land of Dairy, I have returned to it with a vengeance. Half a block of cheese, a quarter container of Cool Whip and heavy whipping cream in my coffee… for breakfast? Why not? I mean, according to my new weight loss miracle diet, The Belly Fat Cure, these things don’t cost me any of my daily allotted carb or sugar points (6 servings of carbs and 15 grams of sugar.) Of course it’s hard to “mind the serving size” when you are gnawing on the block of cheese and eating the Cool Whip straight out of the container. But, it’s much easier to chuck just one spoon into the sink and get away with leaving it there, verses a whole slew of dishes. No one cares about one measly spoon in the sink. If I’d used a knife, plate and bowl that would require opening the dishwasher, moving crap around to cram it all in, and since it’s already full, I’d have to run it… and whoever runs it, then has to empty it since the other person technically “didn’t know” you’d run it. See where this is going?

It’s Saturday morning, I have a bit of a hangover from my Michelobe Ultra’s (also allowed on the diet, no joke), and the kids have become baboons on crack due to being trapped inside with tornado warnings. To be honest, I don’t want to do anything but sit here on my fat, dimpled ass, with my single carb, no sugar serving of Dorito’s, cancelled out, of course, by my no sugar, zero calorie Zevia soda. If only I could find where the noise reduction headphones are to tune out all the tattling. “Moooooommy, Reeve hit me.” That would maybe help me control the urge to shout back,”Well, hit him back you wus!”

So yes, my love of all things dairy has taken over my every thought. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to drinking milk though. Almond milk does the trick and it’s so much better for you anyway. But cheese, oh my cheese. If I could only bring one thing to a deserted island, it would be you. Ok, you and my Peter Cetera’s Greatest Hits CD. Yeah, I’m cool like that.

I would like to say a special thank you to  Eric at healthdemystified for mentioning my blog on his list of

RISING STARS IN THE HEALTH AND FITNESS BLOGOSPHERE: Health and fitness bloggers who will entertain, inform, and inspire the world in 2012

He is a doctor who writes a fantastic blog that teaches you all about being healthy in a way  that is easy for us average, out of shape, fatties to understand. 🙂 I’m sure he is horrified by my pathetic diet attempts and illogical theories regarding food choices. I guess reading my blog is like watching an episode of Jersey Shore. You know it’s moronic, but you just keep on watching. So how did Snookie get so skinny anyway? I’m gonna try THAT next.


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