If I had been a caveman, I’d have lasted about a week and not because I’d have been eaten by a T-rex either. Because I’d have died of starvation. I’d have been the fattest person ever to have died of starvation. Fattest, because I’m now convinced that eating leaves and other torturously healthy foods has a direct impact on the expansion of my ass.  I know, I know, give it time, blah blah blah.  I’m happy to “give it time” if I’m simply cutting back on calories or adding in an evening stroll, but by only eating all this food that tastes like the blandest of all blandness, I don’t think so. Bitter you ask? Why yes, I am. I spent an entire week neglecting household chores, my children and What Not To Wear, holed up in my little kitchen cooking away like freaking Paula Dean. Only she gets the fun of sampling all her treats where I just would look at the food thinking, “I have to eat this healthy crap for dinner?” If one more person tells me it’s a “lifestyle,” not a “diet,” I’m gonna stuff an almond meal and blueberry cowpie down their throat. Then ask them how they are enjoying their “lifestyle.”

Well, as all good yo-yo dieters do, I’m on to a new diet! Whoo hoo! It’s the Belly Fat Cure! Now this dude knows what real people eat. He has the same views on good health, limited sugar and fortunately uses a lot of the same ingredients. I guess I can take the coconut oil back out of the medicine cabinet for now (it’s good for the hair and skin too.)

Check it out and let me know if you’ve tried it. Belly Fat Cure. I have to admit, I’m just excited to be able to eat cheese again.

One of my blogging buddies has motivated me to get off my butt and try out a 5K. He has had tremendous weight loss results.  So I’ve roped in a friend and we are going to sign up tonight to do the Color Run in Tulsa on June 23rd. Now I haven’t run that far in close to 10 years. I don’t run anymore, unless I’m being chased. I figure I’d better start though in case I have to out run a tornado. Don’t laugh people. Haven’t you seen Twister?


17 thoughts on “Paleo-Schmaleo

  1. Maria! You crack me up! I just love reading about your dieting and excercising antics! I think so many women can relate! My whole life I have been able to control my weight through excercise. 5K???? Hell, I’ll run three a day instead of having to diet. I really hate dieting. The problem is, as I have aged (yes, Im officially old!), I have found that JUST excercise isn’t working anymore. As if growing old isn’t hard enough! Now I am having to be very conscious about what I eat. It is life’s cruel joke! Now, being conscious about what you eat is very different than dieting…….one is doable the other really sucks. Paleo diets, Atkins diets, etc., are all fine and dandy if you are looking for a quick fix to drop a couple pounds here and there. At least, I will extend that far. I am not even sure that is such a bright idea. The problem is, they are realistic and then when you resume your “normal” diet, within two hours you are back to where you started. Not to mention the agony of ‘dieting’. I swear! Every diet I have ever tried, no matter how much food you are allowed to eat, I am STARVING!!!! Why? It’s all psychological. If we are dieting it’s on the brain all the time and when you are thinking about what to eat and what not to, you are inevitably hungry, therefore rendering ANY diet, unsatifying. Here’s what I’ve found….
    Imagine there is a fire in your neighborhood and they are evacating your family. You have 15 minutes to run in your house and grab anything worth saving (barring your loved ones, of course). You may be suprised at how little you run out with. You may be suprised at what actually means THAT much to you and what you chose to leave behind. It will really put things in perspective for you. Well, eating is someone like that. Let me explain.
    Once you figure out a healthy caloric intake to maintain your beautiful weight (yes, it’s beautiful no matter what that crazy mind of yours is saying), and then find out a healthy caloric intake to lose a couple pounds slowly (slowly, because any rapid weight loss isn’t healthy), then your are good to go. That’s all you need my friend. Yes, you have to count calories, but it becomes old hat in no time. Here the thing though. You find out in a hurry what you truly enjoy in your diet and what you can do away with. For instance, if you love pizza and feel every diet has denied you pizza and your miserable because of it, well guess what. You can eat pizza everyday! You can eat whatever you want as long as you don’t go beyond your daily caloric intake. You are not depriving yourself of anything. I have found that I can pretty much limit my food intake, but taking away my nightly cabernet was a real bummer. So, now I make sure I leave at least two hundred calories to enjoy two glasses of cab a night. It makes me happy. You’ll find that even though you are allowed to eat certain foods, you’ll pass on them for what you really like. You will also gravitate towards the foods that actually make you feel good and benefit you throughout the day. For instance, I found that one glass of wine a night was just a teaser! But, three would effect my workouts, therefore, I found the happy medium to be two and I am happy, my workouts are happy, and as a result the whole family is happy!
    Other tricks you don’t notice….,.replace ground beef in spaghetti sauce and taco’s with ground turkey and no one will notice, least of all yourself and you just cut calories! Exciting right!
    I love pasta….well, whole wheat pasta is fine drenched in marinara sauce….hardly a difference. And guess what? One cup of marinara sauce is equal to one veggie serving! Yep, killing two birds with one stone.
    Nutella! Wow! Need to satisfy a sweet tooth! One delicious tablespoon of Nutella and you’ll feel like you just ate chocolate frosting, but you don’t have to beat yourself up about it. It may be a bit high in calories, but it is totally nutritional and will give you the sweet you need and the energy for that 5K run!
    Look, I am no angel when it comes to food and Im the first to say that I go over my calorie intake frequently, but I make up for it by a rigerous excercise afterward and that only may prevent overeating.
    You stated something in a previous blog about cheating should be cheesecake and donuts, not something good for you. I totally agree. There needs to be SOME pleasure in eating! Throw out your diet books, chuck the Kale shakes, and eat your damn Lucky Charms (they are whole grain for goodness sake). Just make sure your lucky charm caloric intake isn’t so much that you can’t have your wine at night! Love you girl!

  2. I know, me too Maria! I just read the belly fat cure while I was shopping at the grocery store! I’ve been kinda trying to fallow it. I took tons of pics of the pages…:)

    • So funny! One of these theories is bound to be right! I think my friend who commented above has it all figured out. I really do want to be healthy on the inside as well, but not so healthy that I’m not mentally happy or having any fun. Plus like I said, who wants to have lunch with the friend who can’t eat anything on the menu?

  3. Hey Maria,

    Great post. It doesn’t sound like you have any particular stomach/skin/headache etc reactions to dairy or grains so I could see why doing a restrictive program such as Paleo would be very difficult to stick to. “Healthy” is different for everyone. Myself, I could not go back to eating grains, not now that I know how poisonous they are to me…..but then that right there is the incentive not to even contemplate it. You don’t crave things or have to negotiate with yourself for things that hurt you.

    If there’s no hurt for you then you are probably just feeling deprived!

    PS….I never gave up the wine and I’m not about to! Someone will have to pry it out of my cold, dead fingers!

    • Aww, thanks. Yeah, you’re right. I think maybe I was eating too much in order to prevent being hungry and cheating. But then again, I was always hungry! I’m glad I have the blog to vent. My friend has lost 15lbs in 2 months doing Paleo and with cheating every now and then. I’m so jealous.

  4. You could always do a juice fast 🙂
    I’m getting a big kick out of watching everyone on the internet starve themselves to death by drinking ground up cow feed. Funny stuff.
    I have a juicer, and I use it, but I don’t stop eating! I would die instantly.

    • I’m running with my friend Jennifer (you may know her) and you are welcome to join us. I haven’t started running at all and haven’t run in 8 years. She just started a couple of weeks ago I think. It costs $50. 🙂 I’m gonna sign up tomorrow! whoo hoo! Hopefully, I won’t have to walk the whole thing!

  5. Hi Maria!
    I ran my first 5k last fall. I did not alter my food choice/intake other than to add more protein- I actually couldn’t eat enough food! Unfortunately, as a friend mentioned above, we are aging, and that seems to be the culprit in my get fit scheme. When I first started training, the program I used said to follow it EXACTLY- DO NOT go ahead EVEN if you feel really good! Well, the first day, I followed it exactly, and it felt so good to get out and run. The 2nd day, I thought, ” This feels great- to heck with the program!” and I just ran hard and fast. The day after that? I couldn’t move- my lower back was completly messed up. I had months of pain and having to wait to work out, and my recovery and training was very slow and disappointing. Point is? TAKE IT SLOW when you first start out- SERIOUSLY! I have never felt so old as when I statrted training! If you want to follow it, start now, it is called COUCH POTATO workout- look it up! It is a solid plan for getting in running shape. Best of luck to yoU!!!

  6. Pingback: RISING STARS IN THE HEALTH AND FITNESS BLOGOSPHERE: Health and fitness bloggers who will entertain, inform, and inspire the world in 2012 « healthdemystified

    • Good advice. I’m always so tired with all these kids, but it’s been great reading other blogs to see how all these amazing parents do it! All the best and keep on laughing!

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