“Can I see your license and registration, ma’am?”

Ugh. I’m a “ma’am.” Being old sucks. Right away I knew, my days of flirting my way out of a ticket were over.
Today I  had my three littlest ones with me and instead of playing our usual Tuesday game of  “destroy the house and bite your siblings,” we decided to take a trip up to the next town over. It’s about 45 minutes away, but has a Target. I would travel far and wide for a Target. In any case, we drove there just so I could buy a $6 ceramic bunny and to have an excuse to eat lunch at Red Robin. Why would I want to take three pre-schoolers to Red Robin by myself, you ask? Because I like to do stupid shit like that every now and then just to see if I can do it. It’s like being on my own private episode of Survivor. Minus the bikinis, shirtless men and torches.
I won’t go into the excruciating details of shopping and dining with toddlers, but I will say, if I was on Survivor, then I’d found an immunity idol. And I used it. On the way home I was carefully driving at a safe and appropriate speed as I always do, when out of the blue I got pulled over. Turns out I was going 45 in a 35. Blah, blah, blah. The officer asked to see my registration, which was in my glove compartment, and changed his mind when he saw the huge, red, two-person wagon crammed into the front seat with diapers, sippy cups, and a sea of Goldfish spilling out of it. “I’ll just check it on my computer,” he said.
Just as he was about to go “check it,” I asked him if I could roll down the back windows. “The kids are sort of, really super, excited to see you.” He was more than happy to oblige. The minute I rolled down the window, the kids all screamed at the tops of their lungs, “HI POLICEMAN!” and a huge gust of wind sucked three Red Robin balloons out the window and right into the officer’s face! They were attached to my kids’ wrists’ so they kept slapping him in the face over and over! I can’t believe he didn’t whip out his gun. He was under attack! I can only imagine what the people driving by were thinking, watching this guy trying to stuff balloons back in the window while my kids are all screaming at the same time. “MY BALLOON! HI POLICEMAN! MY BALLOON! HI POLICEMAN!”
The officer just looked at me, handed me back my license and said, “The speed limit is 50 once you reach the hill. Drive carefully.” I bet he was thinking if that was his car load, he’d be speeding home too! My immunity idol is, well, my kids. Thanks guys, you made your mommy proud!

Is this Paleo?

See that picture? What is wrong with me? We made a perfectly delicious Paleo meal last night (fish wrapped in leaves, remember?) that almost everyone enjoyed and tonight, this is the crap I fixed. Even the “meat” came in the box. I seriously have issues. Did I mention that I made a smoothie with Kale in it for breakfast? Totally disgusting, but I drank it, so I think they cancel each other out. Phew. Score for Kale. Maybe I’ll have some again tomorrow morning, just in case.
Oh and I went running this morning. I’m still in shock over that one.

10 thoughts on ““Can I see your license and registration, ma’am?”

  1. You inspired me so I had kale in my smoothie after school snack. The kids said, “This doesn’t taste like the other smoothies….what’s in it?”

  2. oh my GAWD maria, i think i just peed myself a little bit and choked on my salad at the same time, you are so hilarious and totally made my day! 😉

  3. Too funny! I got pulled over recently for speeding and my reward was not only a ticket but summons for Jury duty. Only had 1 kid in the car, maybe that was the problem. My # is 610-738-6922, cell is still 949-742-0602(you can take the boy out of so. Cal, but not vice versa!) Would love to catch up soon, it has been way too long.

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