The Barf Bowl

My 6 yr. old Noah has decided that he wants to be a chef. He said he wants to open up a pizza place that only serves pizza with healthy toppings. “Is cheese healthy mom?” “Not really.” I say. “Ok, than pizza with no cheese and healthy toppings!” he declares with this finger pointing up to the sky. Do I let him follow his dream or just crush it now? Really? Healthy pizza with no cheese? What is he eating Paleo or something? Well, as a matter of fact, he is! Tonight he cooked (with my supervision) Tilapia Wrapped in Collard Greens, with a side of Whipped Sweet Potatoes and another side of Southern-Style Greens. The boy said the greens smelled good (Gag! I was about to barf in the bowl!….more on that later) and that the sweet potatoes were “the best EVER!” Did I mention that this kid doesn’t eat chocolate, drinks only almond milk or water and hates peanut butter? When he was born he must have taken with him every single healthy gene that was ever at one point in my body. All I could think about was how gross to eat fish wrapped in leaves.

The dinner was from the book Everyday Paleo. It was good and all my kids ate it. Well, except Kaia who’s 4, she said it made her want to barf (now that’s MY kid for sure). Ok, speaking of barf, here is what happened last week. Noah was helping me make pancakes for breakfast. He kept saying “this bowl smells like barf.” I thought he was just being an annoying 6 yr. old boy who likes to say gross shit to gross out and annoy his mother, so I ignored him. “Yes, yes, I heard you, smells like barf.” Well, after we’d all stuffed ourselves with pancakes (I had 4 the size of my head), I skipped into the kitchen to do my favorite domestic chore of all time. Dishes! As I’m scrubbing away, I kept thinking, “What the hell is that smell?” Then I saw the bowl…the pancake bowl. I slowly lifted it up to my nose and let’s just say, “Oops! musta missed a spot!” Hey, it’s our best barf bowl. It’s made out of melamine which has less splatter effect for projectile vomiting.

This morning I made it to Crossfit where the instructor (trainer?coach?satan?) told me he thought my post about the Snatch was funny and he thinks I’ll have another funny post once we do the “Clean and Jerk.” I have no idea what he is talking about. Clearly, I’m a very dedicated athlete who takes my training quite seriously. Everyone can see that. Now where did Coy hide the Cheetos cuz this girl is STARVING! Stupid fish wrapped in leaves.

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